Love Isn’t Easy, Especially for Those in Foster Care

By Erica Fischer-Kaslander, Executive Director

Love is often touted as a simple, universal experience – something everyone deserves, instinctively understands, and easily gives and receives. As Valentine’s Day nears, symbols of love are increasingly present everywhere: aisles of the food store, halls at school, and across media. But for children in foster care, love can be complex, confusing, and deeply complicated. This is particularly true when early experiences with trust and safety have been shaped by the trauma of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect.

Many children in foster care have experienced love that was conditional, inconsistent, or harmful. They may be separated from parents who, despite struggles, were their primary sources of attachment. “Love conquers all” doesn’t hold up amid severe substance use disorders, mental health diagnoses, and related challenges. Moving from one placement to another makes building trust and forming secure relationships difficult for children in foster care. “Love" feels fragile, something taken away as quickly as it’s given.

We see this daily at Child Focus. It’s why we work so hard to provide stability, advocacy, and genuine care for children navigating the foster system. Our Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA volunteers) are specially trained to build trust, listen without judgment, and show children that love can be consistent and reliable.

For a child who has endured abuse or neglect, learning to trust and accept love again is a journey, not a quick fix. It requires patience, consistency, and the presence of caring adults who repeatedly demonstrate that love is safe, unconditional, and nurturing.

This work is possible only because of the love and generosity of our donors and volunteers. Their support helps provide resources, training, and advocacy to shape better futures for these children. By acknowledging their difficulties in understanding and accepting love, we can better support each in their journey toward healing and stability. We can ensure every child knows they are valued, heard, and worthy of unconditional care. This collective love – the unwavering commitment of a community that uplifts those in need – is a powerful reminder that love is not just a feeling but an action. 

Love is complicated, but it is also transformative. Show your love this Valentine’s season with a gift to Child Focus or by learning more about becoming a volunteer advocate here, and you’ll help continue this life-changing work.